Finished 2nd Wk and I'm acting like a Bitch

It's intense. The hours, the sleep and the meals. Every second counts. Like any other performance based job, you stay as late as you need to finish the project(s). Sleep can be compensated with Redbull. The meals, well, I feel like I'm degenerating every time; at the desk and wolfed in under 5 minutes.

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At the same time, I'm turning into a machine. Soon I'll be a Financial Wizard. A lot will change over the next two years in the Analyst program. Where will I be? Buyside or sellside? Who will I be? Will I still miss Her? Will I have found someone else? Will I still be lonely? Looking back will I say to myself that I made worthwhile goals? Did I actually make good money? Am I closer to where ever I'm looking to go? Am I a better or bitter person?

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I don't want to be a friendless, money machine. Despite my intentions, that's just the way my life seems to be heading. K, H, J, and C are all on or leaving to the East. I call H at least once a week and she rarely returns my call. I guess she no longer wants to talk to me. That's what I get for being brutally honest and I regret it. C, my middle school chum is moving off to Virginia. Virginia? Seriously? Wow, I'm not going to see him for a long time. M is preparing for "professional" school. It takes a lot of work but I think he can do it. K is going to get married in Sept but I don't even know if I can make it to his wedding b/c there's a holiday the day before and work is unlikely to let me off the hook. Lastly, She and I are still in the "radio silence" phase.

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Last night I dreamed that we got back together. It was raining and we where in the countryside. Nothing sensual. She seemed to say "Yes, for the rest of your life I'm going to be with you...your partner and companion." Morning was brutal.

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Three Motrin later, followed by two walks in the park, and I'm ready for Sunday. Work in the morning and if I have free time, CFA. In reality, I shouldn't be bitching. I have an amazing job. It's tough, but I'm very well paid and I'm learning a lot. Perhaps it would be easier if I didn't realize I was changing.

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To paraphrase Munger, there's nothing worse than self-pity. I need to get over it, and keep on chugging.