Saturday, November 14, 2009

Cracks in the Sidewalk

I've been reflecting on growing up a lot recently. As a kid, the movie version of being an adult always seemed so simple. Get a job, have a family, parent children, eat, laugh, watch tv, and go to sleep. While this definitely captures the framework of growing up, there's an essence that is missing. So far, my limited exposure to adulthood is like the Jim Croce song, Time in a Bottle. To paraphrase, you spend your life figuring out what you want, only to realize you don't have the time to do it all. In other words, life is about the intangible sacrifices and enjoying the things that you do get.

That's not to say my life isn't exceptionally rich with friendship, family and experiences, because it is. But in the process of living life, there are infinite little sacrifices, like microscopic cracks in the sidewalk, that largely go unnoticed each day as you're walking through life. They can be silly things like watching a TV program you have no desire to see but are coerced into watching, to lingering internal debates about past relationships and what could have been.

It also comes in the form of career choices. Is this job really part of my life plans? Like the chill that comes with an autumnal sunset, are my life dreams actually attainable? Will I really be self-employed when I turn 35? What if I haven't saved enough and I have a family that depends on me? What about working from Singapore? Would I really want to leave my aging parents and family behind?

It's also a little strange to wonder, when I have children will I want them to read this blog? Should they know about my insecurities and past mistakes? How would it make them feel knowing that their Dad once loved another? Or do you retire the blog, and just accept it as it is. Another sacrifice in life, another crack in the sidewalk.

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